TL Tree

TL Tree is the Talking Listening Tree, a focal point for people to have healthy conversation around mental health. Mental health is as important as physical health, yet oftentimes it is overlooked, yet we are all affected by the state of our mental wellbeing. 

I have found that sharing my experiences, having open conversations to the extent that I feel comfortable, helps to lessen the stigma attached to mental health and the powerlessness I sometimes feel. It has also encouraged people to share their story and feel less alone in their challenges.

In 2018 I was signed off work by my GP whilst facing the challenges of PTSD. My mental health had been affected by trauma experienced at several different periods in my life.

Upon being informed of my diagnosis I was given medication but advised that there were limited resources and a long waiting list for support through the NHS. I was fortunate to have been able to access counselling through work.

I approached counselling with an open mind but was apprehensive. My second session was shocking, opening a door to memories that had long been locked tightly away. This really helped me to recognise what was affecting me and how those patterns were shaping my life. I learned to turn towards trauma and develop my own understanding. 

It wasn’t easy but this experience opened up a whole new outlook. I understand that PTSD in some form is likely to be with me for life and although my life has considerably improved it still rears its ugly head. I also understand there are a number of things I can do to minimise its impact.

So there are a number of changes I have gradually incorporated into my life that I have found beneficial and through TL Tree I want to share them in the hope that it will help other people.

The TL Tree project is about creating a focal point in communities which serves as a physical reminder that, no matter the battles you face with your mental health, you are not alone.

This is what we now call, Taylors Tree, our own personal TL Tree which we gift to you all.

Taylor-Jayne lived and grew up in the house beyond this tree. She and her siblings played, laughed and fought here. They built dens and swings and got stuck climbing this tree. She was an outdoor person who loved walking, kayaking, climbing and travelling, but she was also ill. So very, very ill and choose this tree to end her life shortly after her 21st birthday. 6 days after her sisters beautiful, amazing wedding where she was a bridesmaid and lit up the room. Schizophrenia finally took her last breath from us in 2018. Her condition was intensified by the cannabis she used to quieten down the visitors in her mind, and this would give her some peace. It allowed her to eat, bath and sleep without them watching her every move, judging and criticising everything she did.

Imagine that for a brief moment.

When she died, we had so many questions, questions we will never know the answer to.

People would say she was at peace now. We would wonder if she did the right thing in that case. Did she do the right thing for her? Did she do the right thing for us? Did she free us or herself.

Taylor-Jayne lived at home. The amount of attention required to support and care for someone in the midst of this illness is not too dissimilar to someone else fighting for their life from any other condition. Believe us when we say, we were fighting for her life every moment of every day. From listening to her for hours and trying to help her work out what was real and not real, staying awake so that she would not leave the house in the night, begging her to eat and take her medications, dealing with her medical team, and preying she would come home after work. The not knowing if she would come back to us made us physically sick. She knew the impact her illness was having on all of us. The night before she made her final decision she said, “when I die, you will be ok mam, I know you will because your strong”. We knew we were running out of time; we had known for months. So, she did save us?

Did this tree take her life? Should we have cut it down out of spite? No.

This tree gave her so much pleasure growing up and it had always taken care of her and her siblings, no injuries were ever caused by this tree. This tree loved and protected her and I hope it ended her life swiftly and kindly. So, I thank this tree and I celebrate the gift of life it gave us. In return, we saved it and have given it a new life and a new purpose. To be the first Talking Listen Tree. 

In the time that has passed since her death we have spent much time here, asking the questions we will never know the answer to. Having some comfort from hoping her spirit lives on by this tree. We would like this tree to be a place that you too can come and sit beside, and feel the healing by sharing your secrets and saying what’s on your mind, what’s REALLY on your mind.

We invite you to use some of this time to talk about mental wellbeing whilst on your walk today.

Ask each other “Is this a good day?” And “What does a bad day look like?”

Take care of each other.

With love from the Roberts Family and The TL Tree xxx

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Dyma be da ni’n alw’n Goeden Taylor, ein Coeden Wrando personal, yr hon ydan ni’n gyflwyno I chi.

Magwyd Taylor mewn tŷ gerllaw. Gyda’i brawd a’i chwaer bu’n chwarae, chwerthin a chwffio yma. Adeiladwyd den a siglen, a bu’n mynd yn sownd, ar y goeden yma. Person awyr agored oedd Taylor - Jayne a gariad gerdded , canwio, dringo a thrafaelio, ond roedd hefyd yn sâl. Yn sâl iawn. Dewisodd y goeden yma i ddiweddu ei bywyd.

Hyn chwe diwrnod ar ôl priodas hyfryd ei chwaer, pan oedd hi’n forwyn priodas ac yn sgleinio. Bu sgitsoffrinia yn Drych na hi a chymerodd ei hanadl olaf yn 2018. Bu’n cymeryd canabis I leddfu’r boen o glywed lleisiau yn ei phen. Rhoddai’r cyffur yma rhydd had iddi. Roedd yn caniatau iddi fwyta, ymolchi a chysgu heb i’r ymwelwyr yn ei meddwl weld ei symudiadau, a beirniadu a gweld bai ar yr hyn a wnai.

Cymerwch seibiant i feddwl am hyn.

Pan fu Taylor - Jayne farw roedd y cwestiynau yn pentyrru. Ninnau heb atebion. Dywedai pobl “mae mewn hedd rwan”. Doeddem ni ddim yn siwr. Ddaru hi y peth iawn?  Hyn er ei mwyn ei hun ac hefyd er ein mwyn ni. Ddaru hi ryddhau ei hun o grafangau dioddefaint?

Roedd hi’n byw Garreg gyda ni. Mae gofalu am rhywun hefo sgitsoffriniayr un fath a gofalu am unrhyw un arall sy’n sâl, ac yn cwffio am eu bywyd.

Coeliwch neu beidio, roedden ni’n cwffio am ei bywyd, bob munud o bob awr. Mi fasa’n ni’n gwrando arni am oriau, a thrwy hynny, ceisio gwneud synnwyr. Beth oedd yn wir neu ddim. Aros yn effro i nadu hi fynd allan yn y nos, anog hi i fwyta a chymeryd ei meddyginiaeth. Ymdrin a’i thîm meddygol a gweddio y deuai adre o’i gwaith. Gwnai y weithred olaf yna ni yn gorfforol sâl.

Gwyddai Taylor - Jayne yr effaith gâi ei salwch arno ni i gyd. Ychydig nosweithiau cyn iddi farw dywedodd “when I die you’ll be okay mum, I know you will because you’re strong”. Gwyddem ein bod yn rhedeg allan o amser….roeddem yn gwybod ers misoedd. Felly, ddaru hi ein hachub?

Wnaeth y goeden yma gymeryd ei bywyd?

Ddyla ni fod wedi ei thorri lawr mewn dicter?

Na.

Pan oedd Taylor yn tyfu rhoddodd y goeden yma gymaint o bleser iddi a gofalu amdani a Robyn a Bethan. Ni chafodd neb ddamwain wrth chwarae arni. Da ni yn diolch i’r goeden a dathlu yr hiwmor a’r mwynhad a roddodd. Felly rydym wedi achub y goeden a rhoi bywyd a phwrpas newydd iddi. Hi yw’r gynt ag i fod yn Goeden Siarad a Gwrando.

Mi dalodd Taylor - Jayne y pris eithaf am ryddhad o’i phoenau. Mewn canlyniad teimlwn y dylem fyw bywyd cyffrous ac amser gwerthfawr gyda’n teulu a ffrindiau. Mi wnaeth hi rannu ei salwch, ei bywyd ac yn awr, ei marwolaeth gyda phawb. Nid oes gennym gywilydd na gweld bai am yr hyn ddigwyddodd.

Cafodd fywyd fuasai eraill yn ei edmygu. Aeth i barti gardd ym Mhalas Buckingham. Trafeiliodd trwy European mewn hen gar Polo, ar ôl tynnu’r seti i neud lle cysgu. Cerddai’r Wyddfa yn aml I weld yr haul yn machlud.

Rydym, erbyn hyn, wedi math o ddygymod gyda’i phenderfyniad i ladd ei hun trwy siarad yn blaen amdani. Cawn chwerthin wrth feddwl am ei throeon trwstan ac rydym yn gwir golli ei hiwmor digri. Roedd ganddi bersonoliaeth unigryw a bendith o’r mwya oedd ei chael yn ein bywydau am 21 mlynedd.

Ers marw Taylor - Jayne rydym wedi treulio oriau wrth y goeden yn gofyn cwestiynau heb atebion. Rydym yn cael cysur wrth y goeden gan obeithio bod ei hysbryd o gwmpas.

Buaswn yn hoffi i’r goeden yma fod yn le i chitha deimlo Heddwch a lle i rannu cyfrinachau, a deud beth sydd ar eich meddwl. Gwirioneddol ar eich meddwl.

Rydym yn eich gwahodd I ddefnyddio’r amser yma i siarad am iechyd meddwl tra ar eich taith gerdded. Gofynwch I ‘ch gilydd:

“Ydi hwn yn ddiwrnod da?”

“Beth yw diwrnod sâl?”

Cymerwch ofal o’ch gilydd.

Gyda chariad oddiwrth y teulu Roberts a Choeden Wrando Taylor xxx

My name is Sam Tomlinson, my background is in Psychology and Neuroscience and I would describe myself as a passionate advocate for wellness in the workplace and taking mental health awareness beyond corporate policies into leadership awareness and company culture. My first awareness of mental health problems was when I was a young child and one of my family was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I remember the shock that came with the diagnosis. It was a very difficult time and as a family we didn’t talk about it. As a result of this, when I was diagnosed with an Anxiety disorder I almost felt like this was something to be ashamed of. It took me 10 years to seek the help that I needed and that’s why projects like this are so important. 

A recent mindfulness course I attended made me really look at the impact that having an Anxiety Disorder has had on my life. Strangely, while clearly I’d prefer not to suffer with it, it has brought the most amazing people into my life and been the reason I’ve developed a love of the outdoors and nature. More importantly it’s made me able to support colleagues who are struggling with the same thing and to advocate for a workplace culture of true understanding and empathy not only for employees who are struggling with a mental health problem but where they maybe supporting family members who have a diagnosed mental health condition. 

As a counsellor, I have a thirst for compassion. Not just for myself, but for the people I have the privilege to peak inside their lives, and to help them to remain compassionate towards themselves during their journey back to feeling well.

As a counsellor, I can normalize others' feelings and emotions, in that, it is ok to feel sad and angry at life when it throws difficult situations and feelings of hardship. Then support others when they find their way through their psychological storm, until they find ‘stillness’ which can offer a time to reflect and feel safe. To feel a sense of contentment, happiness, and compassion towards themselves and others.